It’s A Girl Thing – The Uniqueness of Female Friendships

Thanks to social media, I recently wished one of my childhood BFFs a happy birthday and included a middle school photo of us with big hair and high-waisted jeans (okay, I was the one with big hair!). Just the thought of that photo makes me laugh. I grew up with a few best friends on my block, and we were inseparable. We went through a lot together from challenging family situations to silly spats and boyfriend drama. I even have to give them some credit for my first date with my husband in 1982.  After my husband, Tony’s death in 2010, I connected with many old friends thanks to social media. The result of that was having the chance to spend some time with many of them in recent years. I’m so thankful to have so many of my oldest and best girlfriends in my life from as young as three years old through high school, marriages, babies, jobs, neighborhoods, sports, and the beach, of course.

These are genuine, loyal, loving connections that withstand the test of time. Women are unique. We can meet a stranger standing in line at the grocery store or dropping off our kids the first morning of pre-school, strike up a conversation, exchange numbers, and the rest is history. It happens like this all the time. It’s the most amazing thing to experience!

No Coincidences! 

I think about all of my girlfriends often, but a few of them are going through some tough stuff lately, which keeps them even closer to my heart. With them constantly on my mind, articles about women’s friendships began popping up on social media or landing in my In Box. No coincidences, right? I read every one, and I gained even more clarity on the subject of best girlfriends. They are our lifelines. We depend on one another for advice and support in the most personal situations; whether it’s our romantic relationships, a job situation, a major life decision, or the birth of our children, together we deal with our highest highs and lowest lows. It is fairly common for our first phone call, when faced with one of these challenges or decisions, to be to one of our friends. We often know more about our best friends than their life partners do. We know each other’s families; we borrow clothes; we binge watch the same Netflix shows; and, we share our darkest secrets and biggest fears. Whether the friendships start in kindergarten, college, or in the bleachers at our kids’ baseball game, each one is unique and has a special place in our hearts and our scrapbooks.

Always There When We Need Them

I’ve developed friendships with so many incredible women through work, the kids’ activities, and our various neighborhoods. Our friends enter our life at a certain time for a reason, and even if we are unable to maintain close contact over the years, they remain in our hearts.  When I think about each of my friends, I immediately relate them each to a situation we went through together that speaks to our devotion and life-long love for one another.

When my husband died, family and friends surrounded the kids and me immediately, thankfully.  At one point, I snuck off to my bedroom to catch my breath and be alone for a few minutes until I heard new visitors arrive and wanted to greet them. As I came down the stairs and rounded the corner, there in my family room stood three of my oldest and best girlfriends. Standing on the left was my friend who makes me laugh the hardest, and Tony’s fellow Alison in Chains super fan, carrying her infant (pack-and-play and all) ready to stay for as long as she was needed. In the middle was my former boss turned BFF, who kicked me out of my house 18 years earlier to paint my son’s nursery with Tony so I wouldn’t breath in the paint fumes, so I knew I could depend on her to take charge. And, to the right was my former next-door neighbor, partner in crime, and the woman who helped me over the years in more ways than I could count. They joined another best friend of mine, and one of the first faces I saw when I walked in my front door that afternoon from the hospital. She had gotten there ahead of me to be with my kids.

Within hours and the days ahead, all of my friends joined us. We were not alone. These girlfriends of mine sprung into action. I felt an immediate sense of relief and was able to sink into my favorite oversized, red chair feeling emotionally drained and scared to death, but so loved and supported. I trusted them to be there for exactly what we needed without any idea of what that would look like in the coming days.

What’s The Takeaway?

I can summarize my thoughts and conclusion pretty simply after doing my own reflection, and pouring through so many articles and blog posts – – this is what girlfriends are all about. Being a constant in each other’s lives, listening, offering loving and honest advice, and being available. My tribe of best friends starts with my daughter, my mom, my sister, and my sisters-in-law. I know I can always start with them.   As a widow, all of these women play an even more important role in my life. I often lean on them to help me make life decisions or for parenting advice. I’m sure they could each tell you they’ve been my stand-in-husband more than once.

Female friendships are unique, and they change, strengthening with time and experience. Whether it’s the fun stuff of meeting for cocktails or catching up at a school function, or dealing with loss and life’s hardest moments, sharing in the journey with the women who love and support us is an unparalleled, incredible gift.

They’re Never Too Far

Life gets in the way sometimes, though, right? Just when we think the kids are all grown up and busy doing their own thing so we will finally have time to schedule fun things with our girlfriends, it just doesn’t always work out that way. My friends vary in age, so some still have younger kids at home; most work either full-time out of the house or are self-employed; and others, believe it or not, have partners who they love hanging out with. Lucky them! I think that is wonderful, and that relationship definitely takes priority.

I recently moved, and one of my fears was that I thought I would feel so far away from my friends. But, truth be told, I wasn’t seeing them before I left for one reason or another, so I find we are communicating exactly the same, and as often, as we did when we lived just a few minutes apart. So, now I will look forward to them visiting me here, or I will catch up with them when I take a trip back up north. I think life has a way sometimes of tossing our relationships up in the air and seeing where they fall. It’s not a bad thing. And, fear not, there is always a way to stay in close contact and manage our friendships. I often send off a quick one-liner text just to let a friend know she is in my thoughts at that moment, and I do not expect a response. Sometimes those simple, impromptu messages mean more than anything else and might arrive at just the right time.   One of my closest friends from home just sent me a thank-you note, and I have it on my desk so I can smile every time I see it there. I don’t do it as often as I used to, but I love handwritten notes. For me, I make the effort with a whole heart knowing the time will come that we will have the chance to catch up soon, and we will pick up exactly where we left off.

In the meantime, I am making some new friendships where I live now, which is very exciting. I also recently heard from a very special friend through social media whom I haven’t been in touch with for a very long time, and I’ve been checking in with my friends back at home. It all feels really nice and comforting as I settle into my new space. Our friendships come in all shapes and sizes; they come and go; there are some that are brief but stand out in our minds forever; and, there are those that just stay deeply engrained in our hearts forever. I cherish each and every one.

If you are sharing in some of these same feelings, you are looking to make some new friends, or you are in the throws of being an empty nester like me where everything just feels out of sync, reach out so we can work through the steps in keeping you aligned and in touch with your support system. Let’s talk about it!  Schedule a complimentary call with me at www.bethelisecoaching.com.