The Signs Are Real

I believe in signs.  Do you?  For me, I know it is a reminder that my husband or my dad is thinking about me as much as I am of them. I don’t necessarily believe it is them, although I have to admit I have questioned that belief when my dog, Jack, stares deep into my eyes and locks his gaze for what seems like an eternity. He has dark eyes, but at that moment his eyes appear large and black as night as he holds his head steady and looks deep into my eyes. But, if you’ve seen the movie, A Dog’s Purpose, you totally get what I’m saying.

My husband is always on my mind, but I miss him a little extra right now anticipating Christmas and another New Year, which I am thrilled beyond words to be spending with our kids, my mom, and his family. Someone asked me in a telephone conversation last night if I still miss him and if I always will. I struggled to fall asleep after that and awoke this morning feeling sad with the intense stinging of his absence. I fed Jack, made my cup of tea, and walked out onto the lanai. As I opened the windows to look out at the water, the early morning’s stillness and first light of day gave me an immediate feeling of peace. Just as I sat down to enjoy the first sip of tea, I heard the fish jumping fiercely. I look forward to this each morning imagining them chasing each other under the water like children on a playground, and then jumping out of the water as if one child is running away to coax the others to follow. I looked out just in time to see several dolphins swimming in a formation right in front of me. They formed a circle, disappeared quickly under the docks, coming out for a second as if to say, “good morning, do you see me?” and then swam by to do it all over again. I could hear them under the water, tiny bubbles ascending to the surface, and the sound of the wake they created as they picked up speed going by.

Since discovering the Gulf side of Florida, I have had so many joyful moments watching the dolphin. The excitement I feel when I see their smooth, graceful movements, peeking their heads out for a quick breath, and sliding back into the water, is a childlike feeling of sitting by the living room window waiting for your best friend to be dropped off for a sleepover. The feeling of exhilaration as you intently watch the street in fear of missing sight of the car pulling up and your friend surfacing with her sleeping bag and pillow. I feel like the dolphins came to see me this morning, as if they know I am feeling sad and missing my husband a little extra right now. As I stand at the window of my lanai trying to follow each of them swimming around and putting on a show for me, I am so grateful for this sign that I so desperately need.

You Have to Believe

One of the most profound signs, which has totally reinforced my beliefs, presented itself in the parking lot of the church just prior to the funeral of my dear friend’s daughter. As I approached my friend to greet her inside the church near the altar, I saw she was trembling. She saw me and urged me to join her and a few other friends, and she shared what had just occurred. As she arrived at the church, she became completely overwhelmed with emotion and struggled to get out of the car driven by her son. He came around to help her out; as she stood up, she heard a clink that sounded like a piece of metal hitting the pavement. They looked down to see that a dime had landed a few feet away. My friend’s knees buckled, and she was in disbelief. There was nobody around to have dropped this dime.  It was the same sign she had been receiving since the recent death of her mother. There was no doubt in my friend’s mind that her mother was sending her the sign for strength. It was exactly what my friend needed at that moment so she could proceed inside the church.

It is clearly different for everybody, and some people may never experience signs or believe in them. I equate it to dreams; some people dream about their loved ones and feel a sense of peace. Others never have dreams. For my family, butterflies have been our sign. They seem to be among the most common along with cardinals, as if God chooses the most beautiful creatures to visit us. I started really noticing the frequency of butterflies in my yard while I was doing my mindless yard work shortly after Tony’s death. Each time, I would stop whatever I was doing and just watch them flutter around as if they were sent to give me a message. I wanted to acknowledge each one and show my appreciation for the gesture. One month after he died, I reluctantly attended a friend’s beach party over Labor Day Weekend.   It was still very difficult for me to do much of anything. As my mom and I headed up the path from the parking area to the beach, I was hit with a huge wave of anxiety anticipating the warm and loving welcome I was about to walk into. It was the first time I was seeing all of our neighbors in one place since the funeral. In my heart, I wanted to be there. I was walking very slowly when a giant shrub covered in yellow butterflies caught my eye. It was dusk, and it just seemed odd to see so many yellow butterflies in one place at that time of day. They were beautiful and so full of life that it changed my feelings about crossing over the dunes to see my friends who were eager to extend their love and support. My kids and I like to share our frequent butterfly sightings with each other as if to say, “Guess who visited me today?” My son has had butterflies land on the windshield of his truck or machine in the middle of a construction site; he even had one do a fly-by of his hard hat. Each time, they get his attention and send the reminder he might just need at that time.

Those Extra Special Visits

As I anticipated the ninth anniversary of Tony’s accident, August 2^nd, I began noticing large, colorful Monarch butterflies earlier that week. On the beach one day, two large Monarchs fluttered overhead almost touching each other, and they seemed to hang around for a while as if to be sure to get my attention. The morning of the anniversary, as I set out on a walk with Jack, I was feeling sad and eager to get outside in the sunshine to take some deep cleansing breaths. A few houses down, an unusually large, bright red Cardinal landed directly in front of me. It startled me. It then followed us for about three houses landing in each yard quite close to us. What really got my attention was how Jack didn’t react at all, and if you knew Jack, you would be shocked by that. He slowed his pace, as if not to disturb the bird, and closely watched it. And, the bird seemed to be watching us too. I felt an instant sense of calm and peace feeling the presence of Tony’s spirit in the warmth of the sunshine.

That same day, my niece texted me from the beach to tell me a butterfly was fluttering around her. She said it never happens to her, so she really felt like it meant something special. I shared with her my genuine belief that these signs are reminders that Tony is thinking of us as much as we are remembering him. Whatever the meaning, it is truly a gift at the moment it occurs to have our loved ones enter our hearts and minds.

So, whatever form of reminder you see or feel, don’t over analyze it. Just take a deep breath, acknowledge it, and be grateful for that moment. Please share your experiences, and if you would like support as you sort through moving forward, let’s schedule a complimentary call to see how we can establish goals to support your progress. www.bethelisecoaching.com

P.S. As I’ve been typing, the water outside calmed with just the slightest ripple from the wind that is picking up. I just heard something and looked out to see just one dolphin all alone raising its head from the water as it swam by, and then it was gone again.